09 November 2023 -- Boise, ID

"the CD is dead" is a plot by Big Streaming to make you pay, both in price
and in freedom, for off-site storage with extreme restrictions, and to
further a violent crusade against The Artist, The Consumer

capitalism is a fuck

we all know That One Fucking Guy and my particular Guy does not ever shut up
about the worst takes ever.  yeah i have him blocked but it's impossible to
have conversations with my friends in spaces he's also in because he derails
conversations in the worst way, self-aggrandizing and plummetting the tone so
as to force us to serve his never-ending self-hatred and it's SO fucking
exhausting.  and i can't help my friends, my comrades with their own health
because they've been coerced into thinking "i have to take care of [This
Fucking Guy], forget about taking care of anything else including myself"

small thing he did today And I Can Tell He Did It Because The Whole Convo
Shifted is when someone brought up "oh I got a cd player and still use them
pretty often, it's cool seeing a lot of small artists on Bandcamp do CDs
again"  everybody suddenly starts writing things like "what?"  so he must
have made some hamfisted take about "L, CDs are old and cringe, you're all
wrong" and like bro.  Bro.  Who fucking cares.  grow up.

i shouldn't have to deal with his bullshit, i intentionally choose not to by
blocking him.  And Yet.  i know im extremely bitter about this but im so
fucking exhausted.  his specific Type Of Behavior has infected my thoughts
process and exacerbated that specific part of me that Always wants to tear me
down, to make me compare myself to others, to judge and hate myself for
existing.  it's already a bad enough problem for me, and now i can't talk to
Anybody because i can't get out of my fucking head, thinking "he's right
about everything, you're a terrible fucking person Layla"

the Jack Plug design dates back to the 19th century yes but if anyone calls
it "old and cringe" or "legacy technology" I have a hard time stopping myself
from sprinkling battery acid into their cereal.  Fuck Off.

i have good friends i have good spaces but i want to throw it all out and
quit because its either "Share A Space With This Fucking Guy, Regardless Of
How I Personally Choose To Handle And Maintain His Presence To Me" or
something like "Fuck It All, I Can't Win"

[Update: since this entry was written, I've since distanced myself from This
Guy.  I feel a lot better now!  Sucks that I lost a good amount of friends in
the whole jettisoning-myself-away process, but that's just kinda how it goes.
We stay silly?]